{"id":258,"date":"2011-10-12T11:13:15","date_gmt":"2011-10-12T10:13:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tonenoir.co.uk\/?page_id=258"},"modified":"2011-10-12T11:13:15","modified_gmt":"2011-10-12T10:13:15","slug":"the-shakespeare-sketch","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/?page_id=258","title":{"rendered":"The Shakespeare Sketch"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Please note that this is not officially a Blackadder special; this has been confirmed by the show&#8217;s creators. But I like to keep it on here as the main character (not Shakey) is very Blackaddery in nature.<\/p>\n<p>This sketch was performed on stage for an AIDS benefit concert directed by Stephen Fry on September 18, 1989. Rowan Atkinson&#8217;s character is unnamed, but from the look of him, it seems he&#8217;s a member of the Blackadder family. The other character, whom you will know, was played by Hugh Laurie.<\/p>\n<div align=\"left\">\n<p>The sketch was available on a video called<em> Hysteria 2 &#8211; The Second Coming<\/em>, although it has been deleted for some time now. If you are looking for a copy, I suggest you check out the wonderful site that is eBay.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, here&#8217;s the sketch in all its glory.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"425\" height=\"349\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/V7K5LKQJ3Lg?hl=en&#038;fs=1\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><strong>The Script:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em><strong>[Blackadder is looking through some papers. There&#8217;s a knock at the door.]<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Blackadder:<br \/>\n<\/strong>Come<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>[The door opens, and a man steps in.]<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nBill! Bill, good to see you. <em><strong>[They shake hands.]<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nSorry I was late &#8211; the traffic was a bitch!<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nGood to see you. Well, the play&#8217;s going well, isn&#8217;t it? Looks like we&#8217;ve got a bit of a smash on our hands.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nWell, it, er, seems to be OK, yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nThey always seem to go for the ones with the snappy titleShakespeare: `Hamlet&#8217;. Perfect! Perfect.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nAct Three may be a bit long, I don&#8217;t know&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nAct Three may be a bit long&#8230; In fact, generally, I think we&#8217;ve got a bit of a length problem.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nOh?<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nIt&#8217;s five hours, Bill, on wooden seats, and no toilets this side of the Thames.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nYeah, well, I&#8217;ve always said the Rose Theatre is a dump, frankly. I mean, the sooner they knock it down and build something decent, the better.<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nExactly. So that&#8217;s why I think we should trim some of the dead wood.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\n&#8220;Dead wood&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nYeah, you know: some of that standup stuff in the middle of the action.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nYou mean the soliloquies?<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nYeah, and I think we both know which is the dodgy one.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\n<em><strong>[getting upset]<\/strong> <\/em>Oh? Oh? Which is &#8220;the dodgy one&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nErm&#8230; &#8220;To be &#8230; nobler in the mind &#8230; mortal coil &#8230;&#8221;; that one. It&#8217;s boring, Bill. The crowd hates it &#8212; Yawnsville.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nWell, I don&#8217;t know about that. It happens to be my favourite, actually.<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nBill, you said that about the avocado monologue in `King Lear&#8217;, and the tap dance at the end of `Othello&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nAbsolutely not! You cut one word of that, and I&#8217;m off the play.<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nBill, Bill&#8230; the King has got his costume change down to one minute. Hamlet&#8217;s out there ranting on about God-knows-what in that soliloquy of yours, and Claudius is already in the wings waiting to come on with that very funny codpiece &#8212; waiting!<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\n<em><strong>[very upset; stands]<\/strong><\/em> All right, all right, you can just cut the whole speech altogether!<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nBill, Bill, Bill&#8230; Why do we have to fight? It&#8217;s long, long, long. We could make it so snappy&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\n&#8220;Snappy&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nYeah, you know: give it some pizzazz. How&#8217;s it begin, that speech?<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\n<em><strong>[sits]<\/strong><\/em> &#8220;To be.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nCome on, come on, Bill.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\n&#8220;To be a victim of all life&#8217;s earthly woes, or not to be a coward and take Death by his proffered hand.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nThere, now; I&#8217;m sure we can get that down!<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nNo! Absolutely not! It&#8217;s perfect.<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\n<em><strong>[preparing to write]<\/strong><\/em> How about &#8220;To be a victim, or not to be coward&#8221;?<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\n<em><strong>[shrugs]<\/strong><\/em> It doesn&#8217;t make sense, does it! To be a victim of what? to be coward about what?<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nOK, OK. Take out `victim&#8217;; take out `coward&#8217;. Just start &#8220;To be, or not to be.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nYou can&#8217;t say that! It&#8217;s gibberish!<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nBut it&#8217;s short, William, it&#8217;s short! Listen, it flows: &#8220;To be, or not to be; that is the question.&#8221; D&#8217;de, d&#8217;de de de, d&#8217;de d&#8217;de de de! OK?<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nYou&#8217;re damn right it&#8217;s the question &#8212; they won&#8217;t have any bloody idea what he&#8217;s talking about!<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nWell, OK, let&#8217;s leave that and go on. &#8220;Blah blah blah blah blah, slings and arrows&#8221; &#8212; good! action; the crowds love it &#8212; &#8220;take up arms&#8221; &#8212; brilliant &#8212; &#8220;against those cursed doubts that do plague on man&#8221; &#8212; eugh&#8230; Getting very woolly there, Bill. Plague&#8217;s a bit tasteless at the moment &#8212; we&#8217;ve had letters, actually. &#8220;&#8230;and set sail on a sea of troubles&#8221; &#8212; this is good: travel; travel&#8217;s very popular. So let&#8217;s just take out the guff and see what we&#8217;ve got. &#8220;&#8230;to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take up arms against a sea of troubles&#8221;! Good!<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nI resign. <em><strong>[stands]<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nBill, it&#8217;s brilliant!<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nIt&#8217;s absolute crap! What is he talking about? He&#8217;s going to put on a bow and arrow and potter down to the seaside? This is Prince Hamlet, not King Canute! He <em>might as well <\/em>kill himself if that&#8217;s the best idea he can come up with.<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nCreative thinking, Bill! Hamlet; perhaps he <em>should<\/em> top himself!<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nIn Act One?<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nWell, yeah, well, look we must think about bums on seats, Bill. Let&#8217;s face it: It&#8217;s the ghost that&#8217;s selling this show at the moment. Joe Public loves the ghost; he loves the swordfights; he loves the crazy chick in the see-through dress who does the flower gags and then drowns herself. But no-one likes Hamlet &#8212; no-one.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\n<em><strong>[disgusted]<\/strong><\/em> All right, then, I&#8217;ll kill him off for you.<em> <strong>[picks up paper and quill]<\/strong><\/em> Ermm&#8230; <em><strong>[reads]<\/strong><\/em> &#8220;Aye; there&#8217;s the rub. To die, to sleep&#8230;&#8221; <em><strong>[writes]<\/strong><\/em> &#8220;Whoops! (Hamlet falls off the battlements)&#8221; <em><strong>[puts down paper and quill]<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nBill, Bill, Bill; I can see, I can see you&#8217;re annoyed. I&#8217;m sorry. Hamlet has his moments. The mad stuff is very funny. It really is hysterical. But all I&#8217;m saying, Shakey, is let&#8217;s just shorten this one terribly dull speech.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\n&#8230;and all I&#8217;m saying is no. You cut one word, and you can take my name off the credits.<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nAll right. I&#8217;ll tell you what I&#8217;ll do: I&#8217;ll trim this speech, and you can put back in those awful cockney gravediggers.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nThe both of them?<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nYeah.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nAnd the skull routine?<\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nYep &#8212; the whole sketch.<\/p>\n<p>Shakespeare:<br \/>\nAll right, then; you&#8217;ve got a deal &#8212; and we&#8217;ll see which one history remembers<em>. <strong>[turns to leave]<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nBill, I love you!<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>[WS exits]<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Blackadder:<br \/>\nTempermental git!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Please note that this is not officially a Blackadder special; this has been confirmed by the show&#8217;s creators. But I like to keep it on here as the main character (not Shakey) is very Blackaddery in nature. This sketch was performed on stage for an AIDS benefit concert directed by Stephen Fry on September 18, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":39,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"sidebar-page.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-258","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry","post"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P54TBn-4a","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":245,"url":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/?page_id=245","url_meta":{"origin":258,"position":0},"title":"The Army Years","author":"admin","date":"12 October 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"This monologue was performed at the Dominion Theatre, London for the Royal Variety Performance 2000. Ben Elton, as compere of the Royal Variety Performance introduced the sketch. Blackadder - The Royal Variety Performance 2000 Written and Introduced by Ben Elton Transcribed by Adam Pritchard Ben Elton: So ladies and gentleman\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":283,"url":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/?page_id=283","url_meta":{"origin":258,"position":1},"title":"Blackadder Back &#038; Forth","author":"admin","date":"12 October 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Blackadder Back and Forth (original title was Time for Blackadder) was commissioned for the Millennium Dome in London. It was a joint venture between Tiger Aspect, Sky Television, the New Millennium Experience Company and the BBC and was shown at the Skyscape extension to the Millennium Dome throughout 2000. Also,\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"Lord Blackadder","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.blackadderhall.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/blackadder-256x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":252,"url":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/?page_id=252","url_meta":{"origin":258,"position":2},"title":"The King&#8217;s Birthday","author":"admin","date":"12 October 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"This short sketch was performed at HRH Prince Charles' 50th Birthday Gala. It was televised on ITV (in the UK) on 14 November 1998. The Cast: Lord Blackadder - Rowan Atkinson King Charles II - Stephen Fry The Script: Written by - Ben Elton (His name appears in the end\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":573,"url":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/?page_id=573","url_meta":{"origin":258,"position":3},"title":"Tube Talk Gold","author":"admin","date":"14 October 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Original source: Digitalspy.co.uk Whenever anyone feels compelled to compile a list of the all-time great UK sitcoms, the various iterations of\u00a0Blackadder\u00a0are more often than not justly placed near the top. The show boasted a unique format - each series was set in a different historical period, with different incarnations of\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":330,"url":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/?page_id=330","url_meta":{"origin":258,"position":4},"title":"Richard Curtis Exclusive","author":"admin","date":"12 October 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Blackadder Hall was given the chance to pop a few questions to writer, producer and all-round nice bloke that does a lot of work for charity, Richard Curtis, one of the men responsible for bringing the Blackadder family to life. It was something of an exclusive so I decided to\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":332,"url":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/?page_id=332","url_meta":{"origin":258,"position":5},"title":"Tony Robinson","author":"admin","date":"12 October 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Black to the Future - Interview with Tony Robinson This article was originally published in the January edition of Skyview, the SKY TV subscribers magazine in the UK. Blackadder returns to celebrate the millennium in a new film, showing at Skyscape. Alex Hunt talks to Tony Robinson, who found fame\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/258","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=258"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/258\/revisions"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/39"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.blackadderhall.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=258"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}